porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
