ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
