Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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