Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
