I want to walk on stilts...naked
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
