You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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