my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
