So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
