I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
