If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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