fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
