I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
