as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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