just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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