Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
