I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
