i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
