I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
