dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worst night to have a conscience
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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