his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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