I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Randomize
