i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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