You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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