I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
