Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I could make wine with my vomit
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
