wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
