I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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