hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize