8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
