What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
