btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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