someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
