I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
