Dual....:-)
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
