Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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