hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
