You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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