Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls

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(732): my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls http://tfl.nu/3jtt

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(630): View more from Illinois

but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.

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(630): but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/k5cc

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(219): View more from Indiana

so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.

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(219): so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night. http://tfl.nu/edgl

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(410): View more from Maryland

new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

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(410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv

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(707): View more from California

I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on

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(707): I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on http://tfl.nu/0k8v

Replies (26) Good night (2950) Bad night (1011)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.

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(609): imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift. http://tfl.nu/z6oe

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(205): View more from Alabama

i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.

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(205): i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail. http://tfl.nu/mxx0

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

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(203): She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers. http://tfl.nu/qfx8

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(517): View more from Michigan

Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....

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(517): Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school.... http://tfl.nu/i9vj

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.

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(864): I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel. http://tfl.nu/63se

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(706): View more from Georgia

He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.

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(706): He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation. http://tfl.nu/vr82

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(425): View more from Washington

Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?

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(425): Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy? http://tfl.nu/h26n

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later

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(732): Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later http://tfl.nu/qouw

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(631): View more from New York

They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !

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(631): They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real ! http://tfl.nu/8frh

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(706): View more from Georgia

Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?

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(706): Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit? http://tfl.nu/7qwr

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