Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

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  (732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag
  Replies (23) Good night (3326) Bad night (672)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.

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  (719): I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate. http://tfl.nu/7wm8
  Replies (7) Good night (1248) Bad night (2994)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

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  (386): I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife http://tfl.nu/xcgm
  Replies (37) Good night (4083) Bad night (1522)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I just did the classiest thing ever.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  last time you said that you got chlamydia.

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  (440): I just did the classiest thing ever. (216): last time you said that you got chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/33ag
  Replies (19) Good night (1681) Bad night (6627)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere

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  (404): dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere http://tfl.nu/lbp8
  Replies (13) Good night (5527) Bad night (900)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (7491) Bad night (1146)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.

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  (256): Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important. http://tfl.nu/3x1r
  Replies (4) Good night (1852) Bad night (653)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio

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  (651): Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio http://tfl.nu/cnyx
  Replies (6) Good night (1087) Bad night (698)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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  (308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7
  Replies (0) Good night (973) Bad night (597)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.

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  (501): Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag. http://tfl.nu/w2wq
  Replies (3) Good night (1147) Bad night (577)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.

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  (817): Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go. http://tfl.nu/gkdk
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (412)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"

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  (503): For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess" http://tfl.nu/pkfj
  Replies (5) Good night (650) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.

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  (919): We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks. http://tfl.nu/pidt
  Replies (0) Good night (527) Bad night (361)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Good. The Jell-O shots look great.

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  (563): I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared. (720): Good. The Jell-O shots look great. http://tfl.nu/jppd
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (230)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt

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  (732): My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt http://tfl.nu/jktp
  Replies (2) Good night (180) Bad night (660)

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