Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
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We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My liver just had a heart attack.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.