they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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