Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
