I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
