Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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