why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
