She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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