i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
