I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
