I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize