It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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