shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
