Duck Duck Cougar?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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