I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
