Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
