I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
