I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize