we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We smell like vodka and hangover
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