The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
