so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
