My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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