Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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