There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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