Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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