i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
