Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
