I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
