just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have already put on my inside pants.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize