This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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