I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
